That John Denver is Full of Shit, Man.

A quick lyrical analysis, and its applicability to my current situation, of the only song that comes to mind for today: “Leaving on a Jet Plane”, by John Denver (1966). Overall, I can’t help but feel Lloyd’s sentiments about this song.

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go – This much is true. Granted, I didn’t really have a choice though, as my lease ends tomorrow and I had to move out. Everything I own is now in the backseat of a heavily-overloaded Firebird parked in New Hampshire.

I’m standin’ here outside your door – Well, I’m homeless now, so this comes naturally. I already miss the sweet, sweet feeling of having keys in my pocket…

I hate to wake you up to say goodbye – My flight leaves at 8PM. If I have to wake anyone up to say goodbye, they need to get their lives together.

But the dawn is breakin’ it’s early morn – Welcome to real life, John. You have to get up early sometimes. 

The taxis waitin’ he’s blowin’ his horn – This is Boston. People blow their horn for any number of emotions: anger, joy, fright, hunger, you name it. I’m not even taking a taxi to the airport, but if I was, he’d probably only be blowing his horn to continue his celebration of the Redsox’s World Series victory in 2007. GO SAWKS!

Already I’m so lonesome I could die – I’m actually pretty happy with where I am in life. Cheer up, John. The 1966 couldn’t have been that bad.

So kiss me and smile for me – Quick smooch, anyone?

Tell me that you’ll wait for me – I don’t really expect anyone to wait around for 3 months while I get weird in Eurasia.

Hold me like you’ll never let me go – Personally, a death grip doesn’t really sound that romantic to me. Maybe that’s just me.

Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane – Ah yes, the only line of this song that actually applies to me.

Don’t know when I’ll be back again – Not true at all. August 5^th.

Oh baby, I hate to go – Not true either. I’m real excited.

There’s so many times I’ve let you down – Sure I’ve made a few mistakes, but “so many times” seems a bit excessive. This seems like a good time to repeat Lloyd’s sentiments. 

So many times I’ve played around – I get easily distracted. Is that such a crime?

I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing – Who, John? Who?

Every place I go, I’ll think of you – Actually, probably only those of you who gave me an address to send a postcard to. Sorry, everyone else.

Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you – Karaoke. 

When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring – Ooo… This is getting a little too “real” all of a sudden. Let’s pump the brakes here a bit.

(Chorus) – (See the above ramblings)

(Guitar solo) – (Air guitar solo)

Now the time has come to leave you – It’s been real, America.

One more time let me kiss you – Quick smooch, anyone?

Close your eyes I’ll be on my way – Actually, there are still a few hours until I need to be at the airport. To my current hosts (Shwin/Steve/Tom): hope you don’t mind if I continue to eat your food and snuggle into your couch for a little while longer…

Dream about the days to come – Because Kazakhstan is where dreams come true.

When I won’t have to leave alone – …Right. I really can’t picture a time in the foreseeable future when anyone is going to jump on the opportunity to go to Central Asia with me. Mongol Rally2014? 

About the times, I won’t have to say – When I won’t have to say what, John? So kiss me and smile for me? Tell me that you'll wait for me? Hold me like you'll never let me go? Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane? Don't know when I'll be back again? Oh baby, I hate to go? I probably won’t say much of that in the future, because the only part of that which is true is that I’m leaving. And that it will be on a jet plane.

(Chorus) – (see above ramblings)

Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane – Lufthansa flights LH425 & LH 1802, to be exact.

Don’t know when I’ll be back again – August 5^th.

Oh baby, I hate to go – Not true—I’m really, really excited.

Anyway, I’m glad we got things all cleared up. In summary, I’m leaving on a jet plane, and I’ll be back in early August.

To continue with the Dumb and Dumber theme, you’re probably all thinking the same thing: don't you go dyin' on me. But don’t worry, whenever I get into trouble, I’ll just reflect on the excellent advice I’ve received so far:

- Don’t trust Ukrainian girls, they will drug you

- Don’t eat the vegetables in Chernobyl  

And I’m sure that will help me out in most situations. If anyone has additional travel advice though, please let me know.

Keep it real, America.

JHW